Faces of fear

James Saling

The five part column exploring

Five different forms of fear.

W/c: 697

    The fears we all face daily.

    Love and marriage seem to have been replaced as relationship goals with the substitute being using and abusing.

    With what used to be called “dating” or the “Single Life” is looked at as a game of Russian Roulette with your heart if you enter any courtship with your guard down and your mind open to allow yourself feelings toward a person.

    The Fear being spoke about pertains completely to that of having your heart broken. A fear that isn't necessarily a phobia but certainly one anyone can relate to that has opened their heart to someone before.

    I was at a friends house when I met her. She was breathtaking and just had a down to earth vibe about her. The way she smiled. The way she laughed. The color of her eyes. The classy yet casual way she dressed. The golden blonde hair. She could not be more beautiful and in the same sentence could not be more humble.

        So here comes that fear part . Why would she even want a guy like me and could I handle a rejection I was almost certain to hear . Then more fear what if she didn't reject me but with how great she seemed was I certain for a heartbreak . What if she cheated? What if she found someone better and left me ? What if what if what if ?

      The fear of rejection was always something that consumed me so often that I can't imagine how many times I missed out on someone special . So I thought to myself that I should bury that fear and just go for it .

        If you have ever had your heart broken then you know how much the fear of that can overtake you as well .

        So there I was so full of anxiety over the potential possibility of being rejected or eventually having my heart broken that I could not get past the issues and after a few awkward moments my chance had passed and she had left the party.

     Some eight years later I had the pleasure of running into that same woman again . Not in the same setting or uncomfortable silence I was able to break the ice with her.

     After hours of chatting and walking together I found out a few things that really made me surprised and a few things that made me kick myself so to speak .

      One thing I discovered from her was that the first time we had met she actually had so much of the same anxiety and it was about beginning a friendship / courtship with me admitting to attraction she had toward me. Unbeknownst to me she was wanting the much of the same things I was wanting as well.

      What I kick myself for was the eight years of what could've beens we both had missed out on due to my fears of approaching and attempting to start a relationship with her.

     The other reason I kick myself now due to those fears causing me to miss a chance with this amazing woman …...She was married now and there was no chance of making up for lost time .

     Fears can have benefits in a lot of ways but usually fears mostly cause negative outcomes and not overcoming them cause change the course of your life.

      

        Whether you believe in fate or that God ,whomever you hold that to be , has a plan for you. There is no plan or fate that cannot be reached without fear of getting there.  How that fear affects you can possibly change the fate or plan and may have been meant to be.

      In my life I have faced all kinds of fear and a fear i have now is missing out on what could have been a terrific relationship . So I made sure to overcome that fear to avoid that fate and change my plan.

      Life is about whatever you want it to be about because no matter what you believe or feel... you can't fear life ….  Trust me you will never make it out alive.