Jimmy Ripp
Review of “hostage “
I think that her first thought should be “ouch my head hurts” not “why does it?”
Remove “i look around and”
Reword “the walls and floors are concrete bricks”
Remove “if I have encountered them”
reword “the guy Zeke looks the biggest and strongest and seems to be the leader of this group”
Missed
Reword “medium-length slicked back dark hair”
Reword “his other pedophile features”
Add in the word “shirt”
Remove “I look around”
Start new paragraph
See number 11
*1) I love the detail given clearly during the beginning there was far more to read I'm sure so I won't ask for more back story that would be redundant
*2) I think a little more and just a little bit of the three men developing them into cold and calculating criminals would help but I have a clear image of the female hostage and how she said come to her captors great job can't wait to read part two!
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