Leap of lost faith

Leap of lost faith and hope

Jimmy Ripp

Engcw410

      Well that's it. I did it! I told them all I was gonna do it and I did and just like I thought they didn't care. I think it's fitting I chose my work building to jump off of. After all this is where all my misery that forced me into this decision began.

     Beginning with Miranda. That's what I get for screwing a temp. Sure didn't take her gold digging ass long to trap me with a pregnancy. Then cause of her bitch ass I lose out on my well deserved promotion. Of course when word got around that her and I were an item. They sugar-coat their bullshit of why my promotion went to someone else. Your needed by Miranda they say. She needs your support they say. Financially we raised your pay level and added her to your medical insurance free or charge. Don't you have an office at home they asked ! You can work from there! Blah blah blah ! Crap ! It's just there way of pushing me out and her way of controlling me in every way possible.  I'm glad this is the end. I wonder what heaven is like anyway. Or perhaps hell is where I'm going! Naw I already been there my whole life .

     Then that gold digger bitch starts in on me with all that “ I need you here helping me” soap opera gag me shit.  She didn't love me . Money money money that was all it ever was about to her. Well her and that unborn kid won't see a dime from my life insurance since I ended it this way. Hell if that kid is even mine at all.  Man that roof was really high . The ground hasn't seem to get any closer yet. Soon enough I will be rid of this world and this world will not be able to screw me over again !

     Why didn't anyone ever care about what I wanted ? What I needed?  The promotion i earned. The corner office that was suppose to be mine. Noooooo! Of course not.  I get to work from my home office. There will be other promotion opportunities they say. I'm falling face down I know I won't have an open casket funeral but what if you carry deformities into the afterlife. Maybe I should try to rotate so I land on my back and then I won't know when the moment of impact and death are upon me.  Perhaps that would be better cause I am feeling very afraid of what awaits me in the afterlife.

    I had every right to lose it.  Then after ten loyal years they send me packing ? The glass office wall was an accident. I got angry. What did they expect? Oh and what does that so called loving woman do when she found out I was fired? Abandoned ship of course.  Calling me a self centered jerk saying I act so distant and like such an asshole that someone should kick my ass! Damn right I slapped the shit out of her. Of course on came that victim role she had mastered. What does she do ? Leave of course. Just like everyone else did when times got rough for me.

      Boo hoo I never went to doctor appointments with her. I had to work to handle her caviar tastes and champagne desires with her Park Avenue attitude. Hell for all I know that may not have been my kid anyway. Wish I could have at least spoke to the kid one time so he would know who's fault it was that made me decide that ending it always best for me.

     Then what does my family do ? Forsake me to take her side too.  My own parents calling me a jackass saying I need to grow up or give up. Well now they got their wish. Everyone did. I'm falling to my death and they won't have to hear me complain about the injustices in my life no more.

       What did any of them do for me anyway. But as that ground gets closer I start to think what um….where err…... I mean…... I'm really scared, I don't, I'm not, I can't, I can't think.

      Oh god that ground is coming fast. I hope this doesn't hurt. I assumed I wouldn't feel anything. I keep having one overwhelming feeling after another. I knew this would feel right but it is completely wrong though. What if my job didn't want to lose me ? Dam. They did give me a raise.  Come to think of it working from home would have been far less stressful. No V.P.'s up my ass. Maybe they did care. Miranda maybe she did love me now that I see everything as it is. Perhaps this is normal second thought jitters or delusions. She never did lie, cheat or even really spend money on anything. Everytime I came home she did have the house spotless, food ready and always wanted to please me physically as well. Man. She was a solid ride or die woman. How could I have not seen it. My parents and friends did.  That is the reason for the tough love behavior then wasn't it?

      Oh my god. My parents they knew how good Miranda was for me and how the work from home deal was a real promotion actually.

      Miranda was having a lot of issues I recall now why didn't she ever complain about it to me? Oh god she was so selfless that she put me first !

      That raise my job gave me turned out to what would have been a 25% salary increase too .

       I'm not slowing down . The sidewalk below is getting closer. Oh god what have I done? I made a mistake. I didn't see what was in front of me and I do now.

      I changed my mind! God ! Please I made a mistake and I don't want to go now. Oh no! My family my Miranda ! My unborn son! I don't want to leave them …..GOD PLEASE! I NEED A SECOND CHANCE PLEAAAAAASSSE……….